Coping with the Loss of a Child: A Journey of Grief and Healing

The death of a child is a profound loss that can have a lasting impact on a family's life. For Kerri Westwood, the loss of her 15-year-old daughter Lauren to glioblastoma brain cancer in 2020 has been a journey of grief and healing.

Kerri says Lauren became unwell during an overseas school trip and was initially thought to have picked up a virus. But after her condition worsened, she was taken to hospital where a tumour was discovered. The family was "blindsided" by the diagnosis, with doctors giving Lauren three to five years to live.

"Doctors told us, 'Don't Google it,'" says Kerri, from Mount Duneed in Victoria.

Kerri says it was difficult to tell Lauren that she was going straight into palliative care. Lauren died 21 months after her diagnosis.

"She was a beautiful, bright light who left this world far too soon," Kerri says. "That grief isn't something that you get over, we have to learn to live with it for the rest of our lives."

The Impact of Losing a Child

Lauren Breen, a grief researcher and psychologist, says the death of a child at any age is a "profound loss" because it goes against what we think is natural.

"So not only might we lose this very close relationship, but we've lost our understanding of how the world should be or that sense of natural justice," Professor Breen says.

Kathy Packenas from the Ladybird Care Foundation says research shows that "bereaved parents are at increased risk of depression, anxiety, trauma-related distress and complex grief".

"The death of a child is often described as one of the most devastating experiences that parents can endure," she says. "Something of this nature can affect every aspect of a person's life, their mental health, relationships, work, their sense of identity."

Finding Support and Healing

Kerri says she has learnt that a lot of different feelings can co-exist during the grieving process.

"Sometimes it's sadness, sometimes it's anger, sometimes it's numbness," she says. "Sometimes it's just completely overwhelming."

Kerri has found that sharing her experience with other parents who have also lost a child has been healing. She has been a peer mentor for Tonya Shoobridge, whose daughter Madeline died in 2024.

"I just said to her, 'How the hell do you do this? How do you get me through this?'" Tonya says. "She said, 'It just sucks, it's awful.'"

Tonya says she has focused on building resilience and looking for positives in every day. She has also asked family and friends to donate money to an all-abilities organisation her daughter used to be a part of.

"If you do something to honour your child, give to a charity, raise money, it makes you feel good inside," she says.

Kerri says she wants people to not be afraid to say her daughter's name, as talking about Lauren brings her joy.

"Lauren would want us to be happy and not to be rolled up in a ball on the floor," she says.